Posted on Oct 31, 2012 in examples to show the mind that it is not You, how to release mental concepts | 0 comments

abandoned/abused/neglected: those patterns are not “yours”.  (You are Free.)

I know a lot of people who feel sadness over the absence, abuse, or neglect of a parent.  I see how stifling that pain can be.  It is hard to get out of bed in the morning, hard to get motivated to do anything, hard to not see the world as a dark, messed-up, unloving place.  (If that feels like you at times, stay with me through this blog.  By the end, I will show you how to feel the love that you might think is missing.)

It does not matter how long ago the painful experience occurred.  To the mind that identifies with that pain-pattern, that pain might as well be happening right now because that is how it feels.  The pain feels alive and real (even though the painful experience is not actually happening right now).

There is nothing personal about the pain-pattern.  It does not happen because you are good or bad, lucky or unlucky.  The pain-pattern happens simply because the mind is trained by repetition.  Repetition establishes patterns, seeks those patters until it finds them, and then continues the cycle.  It does not matter how seemingly good or seemingly bad a pattern seems.  To the mind, a pattern is a pattern, nothing more, nothing less.

That is how an abused child tends to become an abused adult.  The abuse might not always look the same, but the feeling of being abused is the same to the mind.

For example, if a woman was molested as a child, she will find herself in relationships where she “feels” molested.  Feeling molested might look different from when she was a child.  It might look like being taken advantage of, or being unsupported, or being raped, or anything that feels the way molestation felt to the mind however long ago.  Of course the adult woman might not “want” to feel molested repeatedly, it’s just that feeling molested is all the woman can do as long as she identifies with that mental pattern.

That pain-pattern is also how a man who was raised without a father tends to become an abandoned adult.  That “abandonment” might not always look the same, but the feeling of being abandoned is the same to the mind.

For example, if a man was raised without a father, he will find himself in relationships where he feels abandoned.  Feeling abandoned might look different from when he was a child.  It might look like a lifetime of breakups, or a lifetime of loneliness, or an eating disorder, or anything that feels the way abandonment felt to the mind however long ago.  Of course the adult man might not “want” to feel abandoned repeatedly, it’s just that feeling abandoned is all the man can do as long as he identifies with that mental pattern.


What can the abused woman and abandoned man do about it?


When they are ready to clear the pattern, the pattern clears.  In order to be ready to clear the pattern, they must be more interested in experiencing true Peace than they are placing blame, getting vindicated, or anything else involving “someone else”.  This process is about them experiencing True Peace.  The clarity of what to do about anything/anyone else (if there is anything at all to do) comes only in Peace.  Peace knows exactly what to do all the time.

If the molested woman and abandoned man try to “deal” with the seeming problem while feeling victimized, they will just keep participating in the mental pattern and just keep recreating a painful experience.  (In this example, I mean “deal” as in try to release the pattern while simultaneously feeling the need for someone else to be wronged.  “Dealing” that way won’t release the pattern.  “Dealing” that way might help stop the pattern at the time, which may be necessary.  It may be necessary to call for help or walk away, for example.  What I am talking about, however, is after the experience has stopped yet continues to replay in the mind.  At that time, the interest must only be about experiencing Peace and not about anything else.)

This process is about experiencing the Peace that exists without mental patterns.  When the identified “abused” and “abandoned” are ready for this, here is what they do:

(Here is what you also can do if you feel like there is a pattern ready to clear.)

  • Stop doing; Be still.
  • Mentally look at the pattern.
  • See where the pattern started.
  • Notice how it feels to imagine being in the pattern AND notice how it feels to be noticing the pattern.

(There is no place for why or how Here.  Those questions are mental traps.  They keep the mind entertaining the pattern and feeling like a victim.  You are not a victim.  You are an observer.  You are simply observing a pattern.  You are not identifying with the pattern right now.)

  • As an observer, you see that the pattern “your” mind picked up was a pattern that had already been established in the environment.  “Other” minds had already been experiencing patterns while “your” mind picked up those patterns.  (Again, there is no place for questions Here.  All questions are mental traps that keep the mind entertaining a pattern.  You are an observer observing a pattern and observing a memory of patterns interacting with each other.)
  • Now, imagine what the memory would be like without that pattern in the environment, without that pattern in the minds of people being imagined.  What would the scene look like then?
  • How would it feel?
  •  How does it feel to see this way?
  • Stay with it for a while.  The mind will likely want to revert back to feeling victimized.  It will want to re-engage the pattern.  Wait through it.  Breathe.  You are still the neutral observer.
  • As a neutral observer, notice the patterns in the imagined memory and notice the collection of patterns that identify as “you”.

What does the memory think of “you”?

What does the memory think “you” were at the time?

What does the memory believe to be true?

Wait through the answers.


(Listen to the answers without engaging the answers.  You are still the neutral observer.  You are simply re-examining a memory from neutrality.  The mind-made answers will quiet as you wait.  This quiet is where the actual answer Is.)

  •  By noticing the patterns in the imagined memory without engaging the patterns, you are dis-identifying with the patterns, which is to say, you are no longer feeling like the imagined patterns are “you or yours”.  You Realize that you are not a collection of conditioned patterns, you are Something else.  Right now, you are an observer experiencing space from what used to feel like you.
  • This Peace might be enough for now, but it will fade if you stop there.
  • As you stay with the space from what used to feel like you, you feel less and less like the patterns of “you” and more and more like the Real You that is Free, that is Love, that is Complete.
  • Being with one pattern at a time (Feeling this Freedom, this Love, this Completion), one pattern loosens, lets go, releases, dissolves into Absolute Nothing.

The pattern is gone.

Feel This.

Feel this Freedom.

This is the Real You.

  •  Continue Being with one pattern at a time until there are no more patterns.  (Sure, go to the bathroom, eat a snack, take a nap, go to work, whatever.  This Emptiness is Here all the time.  When it is time to release, Be still…

Notice a pattern.

Be with the pattern as a neutral observer.

Feel the dis-identification with the pattern.

Feel the pattern let go.

Feel the Bliss left over, This is You.


No matter how long “your” mind has identified with a pattern, the moment you observe it from neutrality is the moment it loses its seeming grip on “life”. 

The moment that pattern releases is the moment You experience the Perfection that is Actual Life. 

Actual Life is not some messed up place reflecting a messed up childhood.  Actual Life is Love Being ItSelf, as You.  It is Here for You to experience, right now.    


Penguin stretching

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